I woke up to her vacumming the grass
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
