R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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