I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
