I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
