A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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