Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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