Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I look better un-naked...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
