Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
