in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she looked like the before picture.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
