I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
