Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
