We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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