Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
