1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
