Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
