My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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