So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
