my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i would punch a child for taco bell
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
