guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
