Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
