How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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