Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
