He asked to "fluff my boner.."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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