I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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