YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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