So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
