It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize