I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
PANTIES FOUND
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
