look no pants
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
