who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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