She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize