I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
