he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
