There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
