Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize