Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
