Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Actions speak louder than pants.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
