I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
