I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
