I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
