38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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