That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize