so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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