dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
