You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize