We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
