dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
