billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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