Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
