I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
