not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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