My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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