how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
