I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
