Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
