my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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