I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
pop tarts are not kleenex
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Congratulations! We have a period
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