dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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