I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
