im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
