your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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