Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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