how can u be prego again
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
