I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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