She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
