the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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