it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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