it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
