my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
