I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
