I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
