you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
