there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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