we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize