She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
