he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
