Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
