i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
