So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
