Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
