i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
