Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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