12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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