first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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