Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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