At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
