Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize