I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
