spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
