Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
