Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
