Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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