We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
