we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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